Excluded

    Today I was supposed to be attending a horse show. But now I am not. I have attended this show every year (or nearly every year, I can't quite remember) since it started. The reason I am not going this year is because my son, Travis, is being excluded. I could just sit back and say nothing about it and not show up and not do show reports that I have promised to do and hope that no one notices. But I can't do that. This turn of events has me more upset than I have been in an incredibly long time. And I need to talk about it.
    Thursday, during my lunch at school, I got a message from the hostess. She and I have been good friends for a ton of years. Or that is what I thought. In her message she asked me if I was ready for the show on Saturday and then prefaced her next question with "please don't be offended, but" and asked if Travis was staying home with his dad. Well, dad has to work so I said no, Ethan has to work. If Travis can't come I can't come. No response. So I said if it's a problem let me know and I'll stay home. I'll admit, this was a dare. She had already put me in an incredibly awkward position and I was giving that back to her. 
     After awhile, I got another message saying that she is afraid their might be (a problem) and sited that the new hall (in a firehouse) is smaller than the hall we had at Spencer and there are so many things that Travis cannot touch. She wondered how he would react if there was a call and the firetrucks had to go out. She said she worried about liability. And she told me she was sorry and would rather Travis not be there. 
    That was about the time I said to myself that I was not going to cry in school. I lied apparently. For the record, Travis has had fire drills at school for 15 years and he does amazingly with them. And while she didn't actually ask, just assumed the worst, I will say what would happen. If an alarm came in, Travis would cover his ears and wait for me to tell him what to do or where to go. He has had an enormous amount of practice with drills (so, alarms) and is very good at them and knows exactly what to do. 
    At that point I was incredibly upset and I told her that she basically attacked my parenting and invalidated the enormous amount of work I have put in over the years and the enormous progress Travis has made. 
    And then I cried in my car while I waited for Travis to get off the bus for track. 
    Travis has been to a ton of model horse shows with me. He sits in a chair for the majority of the day watching DVDs on the little DVD player I bought just for horse shows. He will ask to go to the bathroom or ask to go for a walk. He is more chill than he was when he was little, and he was not bad them. I police that guy more than most kids are ever policed in any situation. And now, through no fault of his own, he is being excluded. And it is because of his disability. And that hurts me on so many levels. 
     So now I can't attend a show I have been looking forward to and prepping for for weeks. I will not be able to do one of the very few things in my life that is for me. I will lose every potential sale from the show, which I have also been prepping for. I will miss out on seeing show friends that I so rarely get to see. I was afraid we were going to miss out on seeing the fire station, we would miss out on going to dinner after the show (which is one of Travis's favorite parts). She took so much away from us. 
    I have had some people say that I should go anyway. I paid to enter the show and she can't actually say that Travis can't be there with me. But I can't do that to him. I can't bring him to a place where I will be so upset and uncomfortable that I might cry (again) or be cranky. I can't bring him to a place where I am afraid someone will say something mean to him. I can't do that to him. And I can't do it to myself. I have been very upset by this for days and I have talked to many friends and gotten an outpouring of support. I appreciate it more than you all can know, but I feel alone. I feel isolated. I work very hard to be the best mom I can be for my kids. Travis takes extra work because his brain doesn't work in the same way as most people's brains work. He takes more effort and more understanding. To have excluded from something because of his disability make me feel very alone. My friend, Laura, summed it up perfectly. She said "with those few sentences she attacked your parenting, your kid, and your entire world." Yup. A big part of my life is working towards educating people with disabilities and educating people about disabilities. 
     Please don't get me wrong, I have had friends from school being supportive, friends from the hobby being supportive and it is absolutely helping. I am feeling less alone. I think without you all I would feel like I was drowning. All of you wonderful people will bring me back to the surface. I'll be OK. And I have Travis. Travis who when I got him off the bus for track gave me a big hug while I cried on his shoulder. He didn't know why mom was upset, just that when someone is upset and needs a hug, you give them a hug. I told him he is awesome. He said yes. That is a smart guy.
    I am not looking to stir up trouble. But I can't stay silent about something that is so wrong on so many levels. And I want to especially thank some very good friends for their love and support. Later on Travis and I will be going to Fox Haven Farm because Liesl Dalpe invited us to go. We will see the horses and play with the dogs and visit and have a great time. She said there will be keto snacks. That is so great for both myself and Travis. Marisa Evans will come and hang out too. We're all going to go and meet up with Larry Nichols for dinner. I am hoping we can fit in time to meet up with Brenda Bednar, who said she would give Travis a tour of the firehouse. We won't go into the showhall, we'll see cool firehouse stuff. I am hoping I can get some cool pictures to share, since I won't have any show reports. I also want to thank every other person who has been supportive of me, supportive of Travis and who has not said that my hurt is off-base. You all mean the world to me.
     In closing I just want to say, people with disabilities are still people. They have wants and needs and feelings just like people without disabilities. They are different, not less.