Stress

     Stress is a very complex thing. Currently, I have financial stress, job stress, and home stress. I am one big ball of stress. Which is incredibly tough for me since normally I am a very chill person. But right now I am struggling. I have financial stress because of a debt from the dim past that jumped up and bit, buying a new furnace, and a variety of other things. I am bad at having debt and while I realize digging out of that is not going to be instantaneous, it is causing me a lot of stress because it is not a place I am used to being. And I don't want to get comfortable with the debt, I want it to go away. I am trying to be patient. 

     I have job stress because many things are new at school this year. Some of them are quite positive but a lot of them are quite the opposite. I am struggling with the day-to-day because I see issues that should not exist, I have said things about them to a lot of people (who could help change the things) and nothing currently seems to be getting done about them. I can't be content to watch the system fail the kids the way the system failed Travis. I am trying to be the change I want to see in the world but I am afraid I am currently fighting a losing battle. Paras are rarely even treated like adults, let alone adults worth listening to. I have basically no power in the grand scheme of education. This is intentionally vague because it has to be. 

    I have home stress because my trailer park is being sold. And the man who has in an offer is not someone that we want to own our park. So I am on the board (which I don't have time for) to try to help get us together into a co-op to buy it ourselves. But the buyer put in an offer that skirts the edge of even being legal under the Right of First Refusal law. And everything with that is a struggle. I am tired, overly busy, and I would really just like a break. 

    I was dropping Travis off at Elecktra's place a week or so ago and I saw she had a pile of Squishmallows. This pink unicorn was on the top of the pile. So I picked it up and squished it. I haven't actually touched a Squishmallow before and had no idea just how huggable they are. Elecktra insisted I take this one, she said she went a little nuts and had too many, and I hugged and squished it all the way to the car. Then it rode to school with me and was there to greet me when I got in the car to go home. Currently, it lives on my desk chair and makes a lovely, super comfy, back cushion when I am typing. 

     My friend Brandi is brilliant. In so many ways really, but in this case I am speaking of language learning. She has been learning German and said she bought a book she knows very well in English to help her with her German. I have been doing a variety of learning with my Spanish, including listening to podcasts meant for new Spanish learners, watching TV in Spanish with the subtitles on (the CC descriptions are distracting and I can't figure out how to turn them off), and listening to music in Spanish. I also have books and use Duolingo daily. But I decided I needed to try reading a book (not a learn-Spanish book) in Spanish. On our weekly coffee dates to Barnes and Noble I spent a lot of time in the Spanish language section trying to figure out a book that I knew well enough in English to read it in Spanish. I found several I have read, but I don't know them well enough to be useful (the closest was Animal Farm, but I haven't even read it in years at this point). So I settled on Green Eggs and Ham. I can recite that book in English so I figured I could probably learn some Spanish with it. Though from the very first page I know it is definitely not a word-for-word translation. Oh well, I can learn something anyway. 

     Part of my financial stress is doll making. I have a whole lot of dolls for sale and none of them seem to be selling at the moment. I have posted them on Model Horse Connections and on the doll maker group on Facebook, so I at least have remembered to list them. But other than once in a while, things have been quite slow for me with doll sales. If anyone is in need of a doll, I have a wide variety available at the moment on MHC  https://modelhorseconnection.com/searchlist.asp?AccID=9160 at this point I am probably even open to commissions. Not every project will be something I am willing to take on, but if you need something, and I don't have what you are looking for, please send me an email at fieldofdolls@gmail.com and we'll see if it's something I can do for you. 

     Something that is not stressful for me is Friday starting at 2:30 when I get out of work. Friday is the best day of the week. When I get out I go and pick Travis up from Sunshine Village and we go to Barnes and Noble for our weekly coffee date. We get our coffee at the Starbucks in there and he picks out a new book. Sometimes I get a new book as well, though I still have a lot of books to read so I have been trying to be good. After our coffee date we come home and have supper and then go out dancing. It is a long day but so much fun. Even when I am in the worst mood (like when a skunk sprays my house and everything I own stinks) dancing will bring me out of it. Too bad every day wasn't Friday, I'd probably have a lot less stress. 

Not Enough Time

     I am back to having almost no time in my life for... anything. I am back to struggling to find a balance with things. School started last week and my very first day I had restraint training. Then, the next day was the first day of school with kids. We have two new students this year and they are challenging. Partially because we don't really know them and partially because middle school is just not elementary school. Plus our kids from last year seem to have forgotten a lot of the rules and expectations. So we are working on getting back into the swing of things. I also have to get up at dark o'clock again, so I am kind of tired a lot of the time. But I am working on it. 

     To add to the difficulty of starting a new school year, last Thursday a skunk sprayed outside my bedroom window. My open bedroom window. Which results in me basically being gassed out of my room and forced to sleep on the couch. I could still smell skunk but it wasn't quite as strong out there. Still strong though. Somehow my bag, which was not in my bedroom also smelled like skunk, but faintly, so it kind of smelled like pot. So I went to school last Friday exhausted and smelly. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, and I was ready for it to be over from the first minute. When I got home my house still smelled bad and I was so frustrated that I just left. I went and picked Travis up and we went on our coffee date. At least that was nice. After that we went to Walmart to get more small fans (to stick facing out in the windows) and things to try to get the stink out of the rooms. It was expensive and frustrating. I decided I needed this unicorn clock for my studio, because I have been thinking I needed a clock in the studio. It was a good idea. 

    I am not positive, but I think the only doll I finished last week was this cowboy doll. He's done on a modified Yvonne doll and he makes a pretty nice cowboy. With the added bonus of fitting in the same tack as an Yvonne type doll. He's sold but I am willing to make more of these guys if people are interested. 

    Right before school started I got together with a friend I haven't seen in years and she gifted me this mug she got for me a couple of years ago, and kept forgetting to give me. All the flamingos have on different costumes and I absolutely love it! And I love the shape. I am very into this particular shape of tea cup. 

     The Spirit Halloween stores are open and I Elecktra and I were spending a day together and went to a couple of them. I felt I needed to put this sign above my bar. It amused me. And there was a space on that wall that kind of needed something. But after that I realized I kind of also needed another plant. 

    When hanging out with another friend before school started I decided it was time to get another new plant. So we went out to my favorite plant store, the Painted Stone Emporium (they also have stones and crystals) and I got this one, to add to the other two plants hanging in the kitchen. It's now balanced and makes me very happy. And I have 16 plants. My pink angel plant that nearly died while I was at Breyerfest is being rehabbed and it's actually going pretty well. And I am super impressed that I am managing to rehab a plant. 

         So back to last Friday. I was angry, smelled like skunk, and was so frustrated with everything that I thought about not going to dance. But I had several friends texting asking if I was going and I talked myself into it. I skipped the lessons, and just went for the social dance, but I am glad that I did. It was a really amazing night of dance and I was in a much better mood when I left there. Even though I went home to a house that smelled like skunk, though not as strongly. And even now, a week later, I can still smell it faintly if the house has been closed up all day. But it's close to gone and my stuff doesn't smell anymore. So that is encouraging. 

       Since school has started I am tired and have a lot less free time. But so far I am enjoying myself. School is starting to even out a little bit, the beginning of the year is always a bit weird. Hopefully soon I can get back into getting up early so I am less tired and can potentially get more doll work done. But for now I will just keep on doing what I can, when I can manage it. Fun things are coming!

Listing Stuff is Hard

     After Horsefest I took a couple of weeks off from doll making. Then, I got into some commissions that I let sneak in and I worked on those for a bit. Now I am back to making whatever I feel like making but I often run into the same struggle; listing stuff is hard. In all actuality, listing stuff is not that hard. But getting even decent photos seems to be. And people do like to see at least decent photos of things they potentially might spend their money on. 

     Yesterday, after I finished up the last few details on several dolls, I got out my ring light and set up to take photos of all the dolls I currently have available. Guess what? My photos still are not great. Some of it, I think, was the number of dolls I needed to get photos of. Some of it, surely, was that I (again) didn't bother to get out my actual camera, and I just used my phone camera. Some of it was I had tacked up 2 horses and I really didn't want to do it. But people do like to see the dolls on horses, so I figured I should make the effort. It has been a long time since I tacked up a horse properly. I didn't enjoy it. I wonder if that is another sign that I don't really want to show anymore. I wonder if I am just still tired. I wonder if I ever liked tacking up horses or if that is just a necessary evil to get through to get to show in performance. It's hard to say. Anyway, I tacked up some horses and I took some photos, and it was all a super struggle. This morning I listed 3 dolls on Model Horse Connections and then went and hung out with Elecktra. We went to 2 different Spirit Halloween stores (basically identical to each other) and to Michael's to check out their Halloween stuff. Again. I still think August is the slightest bit early for Halloween decor, but people like to get a head start on things. And I also happen to really love Halloween so whatever. 

     All of that was to say I have a lot of dolls available and I know very well people are unlikely to buy them if they don't know that I have them available. And I don't really want to do 16 (I think there are 16 dolls) posts on MHC right now. Because I don't feel like doing that many posts and I don't really want to bury any other doll ads. So I figured I'd blog about them. And it has been a bit since I posted, so here we go. 

     I have 16 dolls currently for sale. English, Western, and a lovely driving doll. US shipping is $10 for 1-3 dolls. If you are interested in any of the dolls, or want to see more bad photos of them, please email me at fieldofdolls@gmail.com. International shipping, please email me for a quote. 

Driving doll $230

Tall cowboy with removable cutting chaps $275

hoodie doll $220

Purple Western pleasure doll $240

gaming doll (SOLD)

red and black western pleasure doll $240

pink and gold western pleasure doll $240

red roses western pleasure doll $240

short casual English doll (6" body) $220

upper level dressage doll $230

English hoodie doll with removable helmet $220 

burgundy jumper doll (SOLD)

casual English doll teal shirt and removable helmet (SOLD)

navy hunt seat doll (Lena) $230

Navy hunt seat doll $230

black coat hunt seat doll $230

 

Blogging is Hard

    At the beginning of August two of my friend's grandchildren were involved in a drive by shooting. Both of them are going to be fine, but they had to leave the home very quickly and ended up having to leave most of their belongings behind. There is a go-fund-me (which I posted on my Facebook a bit ago) to help by necessities for the kids. One of them, Ray-Lynn, is living with her grandmother, my friend. I met her a couple of months ago, and I had my dog-friend with me. Ray-Lynn immediately loved Jester and wanted to keep him. But he's not mine to give and I wouldn't give him away anyway. Though I did find this stuffed dog that looks a bit like Jester to give her. She had a large collection of stuffed animals and was only able to bring one with her. Now she can have a stuffed sort-of-Jester. I think Jester will be happy when sort-of-Jester is gone. He's not really sure what to think of it. 

     I have been working, at least a bit, but I have also been going out to dance, going to parties hosted by my dance friends, where there is more dancing, and I spend a lot of time tired now. I also seem to be getting fitter, though all I do is dance, my gym has been neglected. Every time I consider staying home from a party I remind myself that for many, many years, I wasn't invited at all. When I had my kids people assumed I wouldn't be able to go out, so I never got invited to go out, or to parties. It would have been nice to be asked. Travis has been coming to dance with me, and he loves it, and has been accepted by, and included in, the community. He also is included in pretty much all of the party invites, so I make sure that we go. Plus I have to get in all of the staying out late and fun now, because once school starts it's back to going to bed at 8:30 and only having maybe one day a week when I can go out and do fun things. The need to have a job sometimes really sucks. 

     

     I have been trying to find motivation to work, while also trying not to work too much. Summer, and the 3 vacation weeks we have during the school year, are about all the free time I have. I am trying to get in as much relaxation and fun as I can. I have been working though. The last couple of weeks I was working on some orders and, now that those are finished, I am back to making whatever comes into my head. The struggle this week was I had no idea what to make. So I started just making pieces. I made a bunch of chaps, haired a bunch of heads, and then started cutting out different pieces of clothing. 

     Today I worked on sewing the batch of clothing pieces I cut out, but all of a sudden, inspiration struck! I knew just what to make so I sewed the pieces I needed and made a western pleasure doll. I also dremeled a bunch of dolls, so I have them ready, and I got a lot of the clothes sewn that I cut out yesterday. I'm in a good place to get at least one more doll finished tomorrow, but maybe two, if I start early enough. At the very least I can probably finish one and a bit of another. So after struggling a bit to get much of anything done I am finally in a better groove with things. 

    I go back to work on the 27th and I really don't want to. Not that I don't love my job, I am just really currently loving not having to go. Plus I have no idea what to expect this coming year. The teacher I was working with, who was completely awesome and amazing, took a different job. I have no idea who we will get or if they will have the idea they need to "fix" our program. Which would be silly, our program is amazing and has done great things for all of our kids. I get that every teacher has their own way of doing things, but I don't know if we will get someone that thinks our program is broken. So I am struggling a bit with doll work and vaguely concerned about school. But I still have 13 days before I have to go back. 

Working is Hard

      I haven't worked in 3 weeks. I don't think I have gone that long without working in... I don't even know how long. I did bits and pieces of things here and there but mostly I have not done any work for three weeks. It has been absolutely glorious. 

      I was obviously not going to "work" during horsefest, though I was selling dolls so I did end up working a bit. And then the Monday before we came back I packed and shipped a whole bunch of things from Kentucky. So small bits of work were finished. I guess to be accurate, I haven't really done anything in my studio in about 3 weeks. I meant to take two weeks off but I was so tired when I got back. So I took a vacation after my vacation. Anyone who is not new here knows that I work a lot. But I have not worked in a while. 

     I have been having a really nice summer. Horsefest was wonderful. I had such a good time. Though maybe I am more different from other people than I realized. By the time we were ready to come home I was absolutely ready to come home. It was nice to live in a hotel, to not clean things, to not wash dishes, but I was very ready to come back to my stuff. To not have to keep making trips to Walmart and Target because I needed some life-essential that I didn't know I needed or had run out of. Now that I took a trip I have an idea of what sorts of things I need to make sure to bring with me. I will be more prepared next year. And hopefully not have to spend as much money on things I already have. 

     I really missed dance while I was in Kentucky. I have made some really wonderful friends in the dance community. Travis has been welcomed in too and has also been making some friends of his own. We've gone to several dance nights and dance parties together. There has been so much dancing! It's wonderful. Today I went to school to help a friend and I stopped in the office. When I went up the main stairs, which I don't like to do, I realized that it doesn't hurt to climb those stairs anymore. I'm pretty sure that is from all the dancing. 

     It has been a struggle getting back into working. But today, I finally got into the studio for a while. I did start on some horse boots the other day and I got them finished up today. I haven't made horse boots in a couple of years I think. I didn't think I ever would again. But it was a special request so I gave it a shot. I got some doll clothes cut out and I started hairing a head too. It was a start. I let some orders sneak into my closed books, so I have to get things done. It's been almost motivating.  

     This is likely one of the most boring blog posts I have ever written. Especially after all the horsefest posts. But I am still here, struggling to get back into the swing of normal life and very much enjoying an actual break. Now that I have gotten back into work I am hoping I can keep some balance. I won't have much time to relax once school starts so I should make sure I do plenty of fun things now. Really recharge my batteries. It has been fantastic. 

People of Horsefest

      The absolute biggest reason I wanted to go to Breyerfest (which turned into me wanting to go to HORSEfest because it is SO much more than just Breyerfest) is the people. I wanted to see my crazy model horse friends that I had not seen for a long time or had only ever interacted with online. THIS was the part of online Breyerfest that I couldn't quite get ahold of (except that one year Marci Driscoll and I met up at the Brimfield flea market wearing our volunteer shirts and being stuck in a huge crowd of people) though I know some people have managed that better than I have. It was amazing to finally get to be part of the wild and varied human interaction that is in-person horsefest. So here we go, in no particular order, the people of horsefest! (That I managed to get pictures with). 

Travis and I, of course, with my new park-friend, Percy

Limdsay Diamond

Rachel Stacy

Heather Jackson-Lain

Tara Reich

Angelo Žunić

Stacy Faraci

Amanda Reed

Sara Roche

Kylee Parks

Mindy Berg

Robbie Ramirez

Jennifer Al-Beik

Vincent Lange

Lauren Wood

Tegan Leighton Davis

Lesli Kathman

Michelle Evans

Jennifer Arsuaga

Sharon Mossy

Susan Bensema Young

Anne Veeneman van der Weel (I apologize if I spelled it wrong)

Erin Corbett

Heather Malone

Bobbie Allen

Robin Briscoe

Angelo, Fabian, and I

Stephanie Blaylock

Travis again

Lisa Esping

Shannon Rodgers

Danielle Feldman

Jackie Rossi

Sara Bowman

Fabian Rodriguez

Kerri Gehrmann Johnson

Shauna McDaniel

Chris Wallbruch

Nikki Hertzog