Failure Immunity

      I read an article a couple of months ago about failure immunity, and how we are, for the most part, not teaching it to kids these days. I thought it was an interesting thing to write about so I put the subject in a blank post and left it. For months. It is hard to blog now. For so many reasons. One of the reasons being that I don't seem to have enough time in the day to do the things I need to do. Another reason is I have to take a strange path to get any photos into my blog. I take photos on my phone. I cannot connect my phone directly to my computer, and I have no idea why (I used to be able to). I used to be able to open a blog post on my phone and add in photos right there. Now my phone always tells me I don't have access (or something like that) when I clearly have been accessing Google the entire time. I used to have to open a post in Firefox instead of Chrome, and that would work. It doesn't work anymore. So now I have to email photos to myself. Which is a long path and usually I don't have enough time for that sort of thing. 

     I don't remember every detail about the article but I do remember it was about failing, and not crumbling after failing. We (societal we) have been shielding kids from failure that so many of them are afraid to try anything. This morning I looked at the subject line and decided it was time to write this post. And the photo of this doll fits in with this post perfectly. 

    March is the month for the Little Rider Doll Making Challenge on Facebook. I didn't participate for years because it seemed rude. If I am focused, and have time, I can make a doll in a day. Last year I joined the special saddle pad challenge, and this year I joined the special ranch saddle pad challenge. Even after 19 years of making dolls I still face challenges. I still face failure. Last year for the challenge I had a pad with colors I would never have chosen for myself. Orange and purple together, or really even just orange at all, is not something I would choose. But that is what I had and the first doll I made was a failure. The doll was nice, but it didn't really go with my saddle pad. Several people said it was great and a nice match but the tones of the colors were different enough that I found it jarring. So I started over. Because I HAVE failed in the past, many times, and I know it is not the end of things. My second doll was a much better match and I liked everything about it. Even though it still had orange. 

     This year we were 6 days into March before I remembered it was the challenge month. At that point I figured it would be a good idea to look for materials. Since I have a ridiculous amount of doll making stuff here I very rarely need to go out into the wider world to find anything for what I want to make. This time was no exception. The sage green I have isn't a perfect match to the saddle pad, and neither is the sand color of the chaps, but being a ranch saddle pad I care a bit less about that, and it is not a jarring amount. So I made the chaps and cut out the basic outfit and got into the doll. 

     And then I ripped a shoulder seem. 

     Even after 19 years of making dolls mistakes happen. It is entirely possible to make something from a pattern, hundreds of times, and all of a sudden one time it doesn't fit. One bit is just a bit too tight. And sometimes seems rip out and it is far easier to just start over instead of trying to repair. But I know this because I have made thousands of dolls. I have lost pieces I was working with (I actually did that again 2 days ago. I still can't find it) I have stained things, messed up painting, messed up rehairing, ripped seems, made things a bit too small, or one side tighter than the other (I did that one yesterday). Any of these things might be enough to completely derail a new person. Someone just starting out in a type of art will get to the ugly stage and they can't yet tell if they have failed completely or just need to push through. Dolls are in the ugly stage almost until they are complete. So when I ripped the sleeve out of the shirt of my challenge doll I posted about it in the LRDMC group. 

     So what does this have to do with failure immunity? Everything. The first step to succeeding in anything is to try. Some people are so crippled by the idea of failing that they are unwilling to try. When I was little, I was encouraged to try things. I was sewing when I was 5 (by hand. I was not allowed to use Mom's sewing machine until I was 7), I was also knitting then, not that I am an accomplished knitter. I was baking at that young age as well. Did everything come out perfectly? Absolutely not. But I was encouraged to try and if the thing I was trying failed I was told that it was a good try and to try again. I wasn't bailed out of it. I wasn't cushioned and protected from failing. I was guided to keep on trying. 

    I think the challenge months are a great place for new artists. I am unlikely to pick up a horse to paint other than in February during NaMoPaiMo (and not even then recently). Many people are unlikely to make a doll other than during March for the LRDMC. I likely would never have learned to dance if it wasn't for being surrounded by supportive people in classes, and having excellent teachers who asked over and over if anyone had any questions, if we got it, if we needed to try it again. I am also still learning Spanish (painfully slowly) because I have amazing friends (and my amazing Mom who I practice with daily!) who get excited when I say anything to them in Spanish. Even if it's not completely correct, they are so happy I am trying. 

    So there you go, after nearly 2 months without a post you get this bit of rambling musing about failure immunity. My last post was about the roof leaking into my studio. My studio is still a giant mess, still needs to be redone (along with my bathroom ceiling, which was already scheduled to be redone) but I still go into the studio and get work done. Slowly. I am very burnt out and it is a struggle to make dolls. It's a struggle to write a blog post. Sometimes it's a struggle to complete a sentence. But I hope for anyone who hasn't been encouraged to try something that is scary that maybe this will be a tiny push to try. You don't know what you are capable of until you try. And it's entirely likely the first time you try a thing you won't be amazing at it, or you might struggle quite a lot. But keep in mind, you have only really failed if you stop trying. 

It's Not Supposed to Rain Inside

     So today has been a day. I had a phone appointment for Travis this morning, so I took a half a day off from work. The appointment was super quick and I was feeling really good. I was almost done getting ready to go to work and I heard a pop and pouring water...

       ...From my studio. 

    

     I quickly started moving things away from the waterfall that was pouring inside, starting with the 3 dolls and the TV that were on the desk under the window. The upper level dressage doll I listed for sale yesterday was ruined (the dye from her vest leaked onto her white breeches. She will need repairs) but it didn't seem catastrophic. I grabbed my dye pot and moved as much stuff as I could so I could prop it up to try to catch most of the flow of water. Then I went outside to shovel through several feet of snow to try to get near enough to the window to get to the roof to try to get the snow off. We had a giant blizzard last week, so there is snow everywhere still. The temperatures have also been consistently extremely low. Apparently the roof over my studio didn't like it. 

     There were some pretty insane ice dams on the roof and there was no way I could deal with them. So I texted my neighbor that is going to be doing some repairs for me in the Spring, and I asked him if he could stop by and help me with an emergency roof leak. He was there within a half an hour. 

     Drew tried to get the ice off, but it was not budging. He did clear a lot of the snow away at least. At this point I had already witnessed water actively flowing down behind the back wall and I knew the studio would need to be gutted and redone. I also know that it wasn't done properly in the first place. The walls were never finished properly and I am not tall enough to have finished the ceiling properly. I do not have photos of what I did to somewhat finish the ceiling, but it was bare metal roof under a plastic headliner when I started. I took the plastic down, added foam board insulation (which was all I could do without any help) adding a new plastic liner and put up blankets to help some with insulation. That is how it's been for almost 3 years. But today, there is a waterfall inside the studio. 

      It took me probably 7 hours to deal with the studio today. I have a lot of stuff back in there, but not in a nice, usable way. I am trying to just minimize the damage at this point since I can't get it fixed until Spring. I don't love that it happened but I do like that now I can get it redone properly. And I can have Drew put in a window that opens. Which will also allow for an open window (crazy talk, I know) in nice weather and the use of my portable AC in the summer. Which I might not even need with properly done insulation in there. I am choosing to look at this as a blessing in disguise. I can get the studio redone at the same time that my bathroom ceiling gets redone. And after Drew checks and properly seals anything wonky with the roof. Mobile homes are weird. I have no idea what this is going to cost so I am going to start listing a whole lot of stuff for sale. I can't deal with anything else today so I might start that tomorrow. Or maybe I will repair the dressage doll tomorrow, I don't know. 

     I may or may not be able to use the studio until it gets fixed, I am not in a place to figure that out today. But I went 16 years or so with no studio space. I can do this. And I can do hard things. But boy would I love for something to be easy once in a while. 

Dyeing is Hard

     Recently(ish) I received 2 dresses from Holy Clothing in the color dragons blood. Online it looked like a beautiful red color. In person it looks very orange and I am not a fan at all. So I decided I would try my hand at dying the dresses. I looked into the correct way to do it, followed the instructions on the Rit website, and was incredibly disappointed because it did absolutely nothing. Partially because the instructions are inaccurate on the website and partially because the bucket dying method doesn't seem to be particularly good. I wanted to try the washing machine method, but I can't get my machine to stop while it's full and not drain. There is probably a way to do it, but I don't know what it is. 

     So the next option was the stovetop method. That required buying more dye, fixative, and a pot, since you can't use a dye pot for food. Once I had everything I needed I was ready to start. Though the pot was not large enough to do both dresses at the same time. 

    The first time around I used scarlet dye and it didn't seem to do anything. I figured I would try the wine and hope for a good (non orange) red color. 

     I filled the pot with the hottest tap water I could get, and put it on to start it heating further. 

     I added the salt, as instructed, and then I got to cooking my dress. I left it to heat for an hour, which is the max time the bottle says you should do it. I then dumped the dye water, refilled the pot with the hottest tap water, put it back on the stove and added the dye fixative. 

     The end result was a less offensive color, but still not a great color. Either red is super hard, Rit dye isn't very good, or I am missing a trick. But at least I have a less offensive color (nicer in person). 

    You can see by my comparison that there is a difference in color after dying one dress with the stove top method. Now I needed to dye the second dress. When I went to the store they didn't have any wine colored dye so I bought royal blue. I figured I would get some color that was less orange and might be interesting. 

     While the dress was in the pot it looked super dark. Black at times, though I knew it wouldn't end up black (I would not have been offended if it had). The tag looked like it might end up purple, and I was OK with that too. 

    It still looked super dark in the washing machine. I had no idea what color this was going to end up. 

     This was not at all what I expected! The pot was clearly not big enough for this large dress, and I ended up with a somewhat mottled color. But, strangely enough, I don't hate it. I might see about getting a larger pot and trying again to see if I can get the color more even, but I really don't hate how this came out. 

     Before anyone offers this advice; yes, I used the correct type of dye for the material the dresses are made from. Other than that I also followed the instructions carefully, though if anyone has any tips (other than a larger pot) I am open to ideas. This was definitely an interesting process, though time consuming. I don't think I will be doing it again, but you just never know. 

The Law Library Part 2

     I seem to have a bit less interest in assembling tiny libraries than I did. That obsession didn't last long it seems. I still have a coffee shop to build, 2 if I go back to the cheap one I got with the super hard to follow directions, but I don't know when I will get to those. I should though at some point. 

     I had all 3 floors of the law library assembled, individually, with the lighting on them, just sitting on my table for weeks. Yesterday, I figured I would get into the final assembly, to put the floors all together, at least a little bit. 

 

     Getting all of the supports built took a chunk of time. They were not hard, they just had several pieces for each one. And I had to keep track of which piece all 6 supports were, so they ended up in the correct places. They were not identical. 

     I knew from building the first library that gluing the stairs as I assembled was the way to go. The instructions on this set actually say to glue them, which is helpful information to have. 

     I really love the railings in this set! The library is really very fancy. 

     One of the most helpful things about this set is that it is completely enclosed. It has a dust cover on the front, so I don't have to worry about dusting a bunch of tiny miniature things. Several pieces in this set are very delicate and fell off, or tried to fall off, while I was assembling everything. The final assembly took a lot of patience. 

     I actually was completely over working on this set before it was done, but since I was SO CLOSE to being done, I kept on going. I should have gotten up to stretch a time or two, but I just powered through. I really like the final result and I am glad I finally got back into working on this one. 

     I finished with very little time to spare before it was time to get ready to go to go to a dance class. My friend Angelique started a west coast swing class on Sunday afternoons and I really wanted to go. I have done west coast swing only a few times. Once at a holiday party with Angelique's group (but Tuesday nights and not as close as these new lessons), once at a pop up event where I actually took my first WCS class, one dance at the ballroom fusion event I went to a week ago, and now yesterday at the new place. It is HARD starting to learn a new style of dance. I can follow almost any dance, with minimal instruction, as long as I have a good leader. But when I decide I want to learn the style "the right way" I go right back to that awkward newbie stage where I all of a sudden can't read the signals (or realize I missed a signal after I turned the wrong way, etc.) and I have to concentrate really hard. But to advance in any style of dance you have to learn the basics. Yesterday's beginner lesson was amazing and I learned the basic step (or one of them, apparently there are others too) and then we immediately changed the direction of the basic and learned 2 passes. Then, anyone who was beginner went to another room while the intermediate/advanced lesson was happening. We worked a lot more on foundational stuff and learned a sugar push, which I learned a year ago and completely forgot how to do. But now I have it back. And I worked very hard on doing the basic steps properly. The anchor step (the waiting for the next move) is just different enough from salsa and bachata that I have to really think about it. But I will get there. And eventually I will have 3 styles of dance that I can confidently do. 

     Today I don't have to go to work which is always nice. I love my job but I also love not having to go. Maybe I can get a lot of work done in the studio. If I ever bother to get in there.
 

The Law Library

     I finished the magic shop book nook before vacation, and since I have been so obsessed with them, I ordered 2 more book nooks to make sure I had enough to last the whole vacation. Well, it turns out that I didn't spend nearly as much time building book nooks as I did when I first started making them. But I do still enjoy them. Maybe just to a healthier level. 

     The first step, similar to the original library I assembled, was putting together books. There were 4 sizes and I don't know how many of each there were, I didn't count. I just put them together and separated them into baggies so I wouldn't make mistakes with them. 

    Next I started in and built a fancy cabinet, with "glass" doors, and a filing cabinet. Now the instructions for these is just as detailed as for the library, basically, but it is also a bit less detailed. What I mean by that is there are some things, like all the file boxes, that say they can be freely placed. So I will figure out where I want them. I haven't even put all of them together yet. 

      I made it this far, I think last Sunday, and then I got distracted. Part of it is I am working on a secret project that I am almost done with. And that has held quite a lot of my focus this week. 

     Several of these random pieces were done last weekend and left off to the side, but I finished putting the desk together today. It felt good to make some progress again. Finally. Even though my fingers hurt a lot. Both my thumbs are split and my pointer finger on my right hand is also split. They are at that super painful stage where they just kind of sting and throb all the time and there isn't really a whole lot you can do about it. If anyone has a really excellent remedy for split fingers, that isn't Band-Aids or liquid Band-Aids, I would love to hear it. 

     I had to sort of make the top bookshelf in the stack work. All of these shelves called for either the painted wooden shelves of books or size C books. Once I got to the last shelf I didn't have enough C sized books left. So I went through the rest of the instructions to see what I needed the most of, of what I had left, and ended up using book size A. They are kind of too big but either I made a mistake somewhere (likely) or there were not enough books in size C. Whatever, at the end I will have a law library. Even if it doesn't end up exactly as the designers planned. 

     I only have one day left of my vacation, which sort of sucks. I do love my job these days, but I also really enjoy not going. I am not looking forward to being constantly tired again, not having enough time in the day to get anything done, and having to wake up early. But it is only 6 weeks until the February break and maybe soon I can share my super secret project. We'll see. 

Happy New Year!

       I started a new tradition for myself last year. It's a very simple idea. Get a jar, I recommend a large one, and when something really nice happens, or you do something really fun, write yourself a little note about it and add it to the jar. I put the date, it's nice to know when the cool things happened. Using different colored pieces of paper make it an even nicer visual. 

     On new years day, empty the jar and read all the notes. This was even more fun than I thought it would be. Some of the things I remember really well, like cool things I did with my kids (and extra kids) when we went to Texas. But some of the things I didn't think about often, so I didn't necessarily remember them. This was such a fun idea. 

     Elecktra came over and the kids got their gifts (we do gifts on New Year's day) and she loved everything I got for her. Travis seemed to be pretty into his gifts, and he's even wearing his new pajamas, which is amazing. Travis usually doesn't like to switch out pajamas but he wore the ones I got him last year (all year, every day) and now he's wearing the new ones. I wash pajamas a lot, lol. 

     The other thing I did was make chicken and dumplings. Which I have never made and I haven't eaten in years. It was so good! For anyone curious, this was the recipe I used. It did have a few alterations because I didn't have everything I needed (oops) and I thought it was way too thin so I made some roux to put in it. Much improved. 

      So far 2026 has been really excellent. My good things jar was definitely part of it. I added a little note about the day to start off my jar. I am going to try to remember to add even more of the good things that happen. Because bad days happen, but not all days are bad. And it's a really nice way to count your blessings. 

Model Horse Gift Exchange

     I haven't signed up for the model horse gift exchange in many years. This year I decided to join, even though I probably shouldn't have for financial reasons. But I managed not to totally overdo my spending, partially because the unpainted resin that was part of the gift was already in my collection. After that I just tried not to go too overboard. I mostly succeeded. 

     Through USPS delays and me forgetting to give my new (over 2 years old, but "new") address to the coordinator, my gift ended up at my old house. But a quick visit solved that problem. When I finally had time to open the package I found 2 beautifully wrapped gifts. 

          There was actually quite a lot of stuff in those "two" gifts! One was the anxiety bookshelf and the other was a box of treats; a Barnes and Noble gift card, a bag of extra books, and a miniature art cart. I have almost bought a cart like that several times over the years. 

       I have also strongly considered buying an anxiety bookshelf many times over the years. I did put that on my wish list specifically. A variety of companies make them, I didn't really expect to get one, especially not from the original company. But I did, it's pink, and as soon as I took it out of the box I shook the crap out of it. That was really fun!

 

     Then I put all the books neatly on the shelves. It wasn't this neat when I got it, which is no surprise when the package had been in the mail. It was pretty much just as fun to put the books on the shelf as it was to shake it up and make the mess. 

      So let's talk about making messes and being destructive. It's fun. It's therapeutic at times. Which is actually the idea behind an anxiety bookshelf. To be able to break things or cause chaos without getting in trouble is just super fun. If you have never been to a rage room (where you go in and break stuff) you should find one and try it out. Some things are not actually that fun to break, like flat screen TVs or old desk phones. But wine bottles especially are exceptionally fun to break. I think the best part of the rage rooms, after being able to break stuff, is not having to clean up. That part is awesome. 

       Part of the joy of the anxiety bookshelf is being able to clean it up. Yesterday, I had all the books on the shelf and it looked so neat and nice. I love books and I love miniatures, so it's nice even just as a decoration. Then I had the idea that I wanted to sort the books by color. So I shook up the shelf again (still fun) and then sorted the books. Could I have done an even better job sorting the colors? Of course, but I wanted to enjoy the process, not become super particular about it. I am glad I did this, it amused me, but I actually think I like it when the books are just on the shelf not in a particular way. Which just means I get to shake up the shelf and do it again some time soon. Maybe tomorrow. 

     Thank you Christina Harrington for a really cool bunch of gifts! And thank you to everyone who continues to read my blog even when almost none of it seems to be about dolls or model horses. I do still make dolls and still think about model horse things, like Breyerfest. I am planning an extra long trip next year so Travis and I can get to the Kentucky renaissance festival the weekend before Breyerfest. Anyone who wants to come with us is welcome. We are likely going on July 5th. We're also, hopefully, finally going to get to Mammoth Cave. I am sure I will have room in the car if someone wants to take that trip with us too. Potentially Monday the 7th or Tuesday the 8th, I haven't decided quite that far in advance for that trip. I hope everyone has a great New Year's Eve, no matter what you choose to do. Stay safe and I'll see you next year!