The Reconstruction of Field of Dolls Studio. Part 3

      My studio has been a mess, or not usable, since  early February. In April, the demolition and reconstruction started. It was a long process, but was worth the wait. Yesterday, I talked about putting up shelves, getting my desk put back together, and getting the studio ready to put all my stuff back in. And now, after nearly 4 months, my studio is all back together and ready to use again. 

   There will be some more tweaks happening this week. I am waiting on another small shelf and some more acrylic risers. Those should be here today. I am sure I will move some things around a bit until I like where everything is. I will also have to get used to working in the newly designed space. Things are not necessarily where they used to be. 

     I should have a little bit more room for horses, though I don’t know that any new horses will catch my eye. When the studio was wrecked, I sold a bunch of horses. I was ready to let go of a bunch more. I still love them, but I am going to try to be extremely discerning about anything new I get in the future. As you can possibly tell from my studio photos, I also have a large collection of crystals and minerals. Maybe I will do a post of just my rock collection. It’s pretty extensive at this point. I need to try to be more discerning about that collection too now. 

     I still need to take the minis and micros out of the boxes they have been in for months. The shelf they used to be displayed on got ruined when the waterfall came in, so the acrylic risers I am waiting for will be for tiny horses. I might be able to get the old shelf repaired, but I don’t know for sure. 

     So after a long wait, and a lot of work, my studio is pretty much back together. That should be the end of things, and great news. But I discovered yesterday that the pipe under my house, that was just repaired, is leaking. The lake, that I just paid a lot of money to have cleaned, is back. It’s not as large yet, but it is still there. I am extremely frustrated. There may actually be an issue with the sewer, which is absolutely not my responsibility, but Travis and I will be the ones that suffer while I try to get this all taken care of. Again. But as of right now, I have no idea when everything that needs to be fixed will actually be fixed. And I am frustrated again.

The Reconstruction of Field of Dolls Studio. Part 2

     Yesterday, I talked about the destruction and reconstruction of my studio. I left off talking about painting. Well, I really left off talking about the issues with the detached sewer pipe. But that wasn't actually related to the studio, just something we discovered during the already planned projects. And let me tell you, the sewer issue was insanely expensive and was definitely not on my list of things I was expecting (or wanting) to do. But back to the studio. 

     After I took a day off of work to paint I had to do trim. Why did I take a day off of work to paint? Because after the drywall, mud, and tape went up in the bathroom, we couldn't shower in there until I at least got the 2 coats of primer up. We had already had to leave because of no usable plumbing, and showering at other people's houses while possible, wasn't practical. Did I mention we also didn't have a usable shower during a heat wave? That totally happened. Just for fun though, as soon as I got the painting done, the temperature dropped low enough that I still need the heat on. I really wish I was making some of this up. 

     After spending 8 hours JUST painting (not including wait time for coats to dry) I was officially sick of painting. But I still had to do the trim in the studio. I was immediately having regrets about not just doing it white like the walls and ceiling. I was hoping that one coat would be enough. It's black, black should cover in one coat, right? Well that would be a no. But I decided the sort of "rustic" look was fine because I was really mad about painting. 

     I was mad about how splotchy it looked anywhere I put it on with a brush. I was mad about still having to do it. I was mad about the tape not doing it's job and paint ending up where it didn't belong. I was REALLY mad about the paint that splattered all over the wall when I closed the can. So one coat was more than enough. Like makeup, it looks nicer from a distance. And really, I am not painting for resale, I am going to live here for a long time (because I have now spent so much  money on this place I don't have a lot of choice, even if I wanted to run off and live somewhere else). 

     So then it came time to do shelves. I asked Elecktra if she could come and help me, because shelves are easier with 2 people (though I have totally done them alone) and she said she would help. These 3 shelves were as far as we got in a couple of hours. WTF, why is everything so hard? For one thing, the brackets were not the ones I actually wanted, but they were the ones that Home Depot actually had enough of in stock. The ones I wanted the website SAID my store had enough in stock, but if they did, they were hiding them well. And I have discovered the people that work at that Home Depot will not help you, unless you insist and are kind of mean about it. IF you can even find anyone to help you. So I got these brackets, which are not as good as the ones I wanted (they are fine, just not for maximizing the usable space). And then my stud finder pretended there were no studs in this wall. I KNOW they are there, I saw them! So while I was getting cranky about shelves Elecktra was googling the issue. She said that if a stud finder isn't finding studs it could have been calibrated over a stud, making it think the whole wall is solid, the battery could be low, etc. But the knock method is a fairly reliable way to find studs. And it was. So after a few missed studs (because of the stud finder not doing it's job, not because of the knocking) we found the studs and put the shelves up. 

The 2 long shelves I had Elecktra help me prep for before I brought her home. Meaning, we held them against the wall, level with the shelf in the corner, and actually level, and drew a line so I knew where to hang them. And we found the studs and drew a line on the bottom of the shelf to know where to put the brackets. Then I brought her home. I was going to wait to hang the long shelves, but they were prepped, so I went ahead and did them myself. And everything was prepped, so it went quickly. At this point I had figured out some good shortcuts to doing the shelving, so I just put up the top shelf on my own, which went very quickly. And I sent Elecktra the picture and told her I was really done for the day. 

     The next day I was all excited to get to work again! The first task was to find all the pieces of my desk. I had to take it apart to get it out of the studio, and the pieces got moved when I had to make room on the porch for Drew to cut things (because it rains a lot here). I eventually found the pieces but then I couldn't find the screws. And I couldn't find the feet. Why is everything so hard??? I did eventually find the pieces and I put the desk back together. The brackets caused me some more issues and I struggled to figure out where to put the small shelf on the desk, which technically goes on the corner part. My sewing machine always went right in front of that, but it doesn't fit well with the shelf. So I had to rethink about how to put everything in. But it's my new studio, things don't have to be how they were. 

     I brought my tall shelf back in and hooked it to the wall (knocking easily found the stud this time) and it fits perfectly between the door and the outlet. The shelf brackets caused me more issues because the small shelf almost perfectly fit up against the side wall, but didn't actually fit because the bracket hung down too much, and is just a tiny bit in the way. But crystals go on the small shelves, and I should be able to easily see them from that angle, while sitting in my desk chair. Even though it looks a little bit weird. 

     

     I do still have my big hutch (which isn't black, lol) to bring back into the studio, but I need help with that. The first time I brought it in, I did bring in the large bottom portion by myself. Anger and physics together made it possible. But no amount of anger allowed me to lift the top cabinet portion high enough by myself to get it put together. So yeah, I will wait for help. My friend Alan helped me move it out and hopefully he will come and help me move it back in. But the studio was finally back together and ready for me to fill it back up with all the crap I have. I have too much crap. It might be time to cull some things. But we can talk about that another time. 

The Destruction and Reconstruction of Field of Dolls Studio. Part 1

     A little more than a month ago, I wrote about clearing out my studio in preparation of rebuilding it. The need to rebuild came when my studio flooded at the beginning of February. Though it didn't really "flood" I was home to minimize the damage, but I did have a waterfall of water inside the house, and if I hadn't been there it really may have flooded. Not ideal in any way. I have never totally loved my studio because it was either very hot or very cold. The roof was not properly insulated, because it had no insulation when I moved in (it was advertised as a "bedroom" but was in actuality a small room partitioned off from the large enclose porch.) And the window didn't open. So when I watched the water flowing behind the walls I knew the room needed to be redone. And even while I watched the room being destroyed, and knew it would be expensive to fix, I knew that I could at least now have it done correctly. 

     My neighbor, Drew, is totally awesome. I told him I could help him over April vacation, though I warned him I am not skilled at construction. Other than insulation. I am however very good at following directions. When we got started it was with demo (I happen to love demo) and one of the first things Drew did was "open" the window. I was very excited that I would be able to get a new window that could open any time I wanted. 

     We then got down to the business of destroying the room. At one point Drew looked over and said, dam, you're fast. He said most of the guys he has hired kind of poke along and take their time. I said if you want to get things done, hire women. We are very efficient because we have no time. I know that is a major generalization, but most of the women I know ARE very efficient. Anyway, we completely opened up the side of my house!

     We got to this point and discovered that the floor, which we thought we could save, had water under it. Dammit. So we took out the flooring. 

      That was when Drew saw that the floor that was in was not the right kind of subflooring. Just 2 layers of regular plywood. Why is so much work that is done in mobile homes done incorrectly? I actually know the answer to that question. It's because most professionals won't work on mobile homes. Or if they will, they charge a crazy amount more, because it's a mobile home. So people end up having to do things themselves. And so many people don't know what they are doing. And it shows. 

      Before we got the framing up for the outer wall, we rebuilt the entire floor. When it was done, Drew said OK, you're new porch is finished. And then I started having lovely daydreams. The big project for next year is going to be an open porch. I mentioned I have a long, enclosed porch, and now I want to open a piece of it. The enclosed porch is HOT in the summer, so not really usable. If we take down a bit of the outer porch wall next to the studio, build a deck flatform that is the same height as the studio, put a wall up on the side that goes into the rest of the enclose porch, and move the stairs (rebuild the stairs, they are awful), then I can have a little covered deck right next to the studio. And then I can be outside without my weird neighbors across the street watching me. I am even thinking we can build the deck out maybe an extra 3 or 4 feet into the yard and then I can put up a lattice wall (I am thinking a planter with lattice for climbing flowers) so I actually have some privacy. If we do it that way, then I will have a covered, but open deck, and a bit of open deck. And it all sounds so nice. I got so distracted daydreaming about that idea! It was short-lived because the first night we actually had to leave the whole side of my house open. That interior door was a hanging flimsy thing closed by a magnet. I was not comfortable that night. Especially after talking to my creepy neighbor across the street, who was sitting in his truck staring at my open house, asking a lot of stupid questions. We would have temporarily closed it up, but we didn't have the outer wall framing at the end of the first day.

     As work progressed I forgot to take pictures a lot of the time. But the second night, when we put up the temporary wall, I remembered the picture. And I was much more comfortable sleeping that night. Other than the soreness. The construction workout is tough and you use muscles in ways you don't normally. During quarantine I actually got super fit doing construction. And I still maintain that I am not skilled at construction, though I have helped with a lot of it. 

     Helping with construction was always something I just had to get through. But helping Drew with construction was actually pretty fun. He would randomly teach me things. I told him right from the start that I probably don't know the name of the tools, so just tell me what color it is (which worked until he asked me to get the yellow level, and both the levels in the yard were yellow, so we laughed about it). If I didn't understand something he wanted me to do he never acted like I should just know, he would say that he wasn't explaining it well, and he would explain it in a different way, or show me. He gave me gentle pushes to try things for myself, but never pushed too much if I was really uncomfortable with it. And he told me several times he liked working with me because he only had to tell me a thing once, and I did it. He had always been told he was mean and yelled too much. I said, you haven't yelled at me once. He said he had no reason to yell at me, he told me how to do a thing once, and I did it. With the people he has hired he will tell them, tell them again, and again, and again, and then he ends up yelling. The only time he had to tell me a thing more than once was when I didn't understand or when perimenopause got in the way and I forgot what he said. And I would say "I forgot what you just said" instead of pretending I got it. 

     Sometimes I just ended up watching him work and I learned some stuff that way too. Not that I am going to run out and start doing construction, but I did say to Drew if he has any big jobs this summer that he needs help on to let me know. Cleary, my house is needy and wants me to spend money on it. And I need more money to be able to fulfill those wishes. 

      Work continued and my new window went in. We got the house wrap on, Drew made sure the roof was totally fixed (it's metal, even when it leaks it's almost self-repairing, he just made sure it was totally repaired). And then I waited way too long for the siding guy to show up and do this little bit of siding. Which I currently don't have a picture of. 

      Things kept getting done, even though it was taking longer than I thought it would. But I don't do construction really, so I have no idea how long things take. But when everything is done correctly, it isn't a quick process. 

     Eventually, I had to go back to work and Drew was usually on his own to work. But he often ends up working alone so has come up with so many ways to do things when he doesn't have someone to help. Even just coming home and see things I learned all sorts of things that could have potentially helped me to insulate the ceiling correctly the first time around. But it was really great to have someone knowledgeable (and taller than me) to do it correctly. The thing I do know how do is insulation. So after work one day, when Drew gave me the go-ahead, I got into that. 

     It saved him some time and was something I could do without supervision/help. Not that it sped things up a whole lot, but it was not a super short job, so it saved him some time. Insulation is the easiest with 2 people, one to cut and one to install. But it's not hard to do it alone. It is another weird construction workout though. 

     As I was struggling with the staple hammer (which is super fun when insulating floors, but a PITA when insulating walls, when you need to staple inside the channel) I was wishing I knew where my staple gun is. It's slower, the traditional kind, and has a lot of control. I actually found it yesterday. It is in my tool bag. Who would put it there? 

      A lot of work got done that I wasn't a part of. My stupid job needed me to be there, so Drew was on his own a lot of the time. He did have another neighbor come and help him put up drywall in on the ceilings. Though he would have done some magic tricks to do it by himself. He's got a lot of really clever ideas for doing things alone. But I get it. If you do things enough you learn some tricks. 

     Drew absolute hated the old door in my studio (not gonna lie, I did too) and asked if he could replace it. We found this cool lattice door, with great ventilation, for reasonable money, and it just really brings everything together nicely. 

     The next step was painting, which was all on me. I used to like painting, but I think I like helping other people paint. I don't like doing it myself. And painting ceilings is about the worst thing ever. It's another weird construction related workout that makes your body hurt in very annoying ways. 

      Remember how several months ago I said Drew was already scheduled to redo my bathroom ceiling? He did that too. I have zero pictures of work in progress with that. But he did do it and we found the one nice thing about this whole project. There wasn't actually any water damage in the ceiling in there. What there was was ceiling tiles that shouldn't have been used in a bathroom, so the steam from showering warped and discolored them. Though anything on that side of the house got super sealed, in case water was coming in (the siding guy took care of that). I have decided I hate painting and I really hate painters tape. I spent a whole bunch of time putting it up to make sure I didn't wreck anything and the tape either didn't coming off (in the bathroom) didn't work (leaked paint under it in several spots) or other really annoying things. I am glad in the studio I got a plastic drop cloth to cover the entire floor. Otherwise I would have wrecked my pretty new floor and been very angry. 

     Are you ready for the absolute worst part of this story? I was definitely having some plumbing issues and every time a lot of water was used (laundry, dishes, showering) there was a smell in my house. So I asked Drew if he could help me look into it. What we discovered was the main drain pipe to the sewer was detached and there was a LAKE of sewage under my house! I had to have a professional team come out and clean about a 10 foot by 15 foot (and I don't know how deep) lake out from under my house. Because really, how often do you look under your house? I have no idea how long it was detached. I do know that the cleaning was extremely expensive and I am waiting for the project manager to send the report and photos to my insurance (which I forgot I had, or maybe I would have gone through them about the studio redo) to try to get that paid for. The extremely expensive reattachment of the pipe wasn't covered, since it is considered a "wearing item". Several non-helpful neighbors, that think they are helpful, say that the park should be responsible for that, because they are the ones that redid the sewer pipes. I said help me get proof of any of that. I wasn't living here when the sewer line was redone, I don't know who did it or when. I could go to court about it, but I don't have any sort of proof of negligence so I could just end up with even more costs. Not something I need. 

     But the end of the story was the cleaning company did an amazing job. They cleaned everything out and put down lime to kill anything that had seeped into the soil. It smells like dirt under there now. Dirt is a lovely smell. I am a little skittish about anything to do with plumbing now, because even though the plumber said he tugged on that pipe to make sure it was on there, this has been an expensive venture. I still have to get the underneath reinsulated where it was damaged, and a large section of skirting and framing needs to be replaced, but things are coming together. I just really need a break.

The Kindness Project

     Being in special education does not mean you are immune to being mean, or even being a bully. Not by a long-shot. I know that some people think of special education as the kids I work with, which are high needs kids currently. But special education had a whole spectrum of needs. Sometimes a kid just needs a bit of extra help, a bit of extra time, or a different testing location, etc. Often, they may also need an extra lesson on kindness and social skills. 

    I work with a team that actually has 3 levels of classrooms. We have the higher needs kids, the mid-range needs, and the higher kids but who still qualify for sub-separate classes. Recently we have had issues with some of our kids in the mid and higher level classes. These issues are also not exclusive to our special needs students. Middle school kids can be extremely mean to one another. And to everyone really. The gen ed kids usually (not always) understand what they are doing and just don't care. Some of the kids in our groups may understand, maybe not completely, but being in special education isn't a free pass to be a bully. 

      One of the teachers in our group decided she had had enough of the mean behavior from some of our kids. It is just as easy to to spread a little kindness around the school instead of joining in with the rude and mean behavior. So after a few days of socials skills lessons with the guidance councilors she decided our kids were going to spread some kindness instead of meanness. And the kids all seemed to really like the idea as well. 

    She printed out coloring sheets that had a variety of affirming and inspiration phrases on them. The kids colored them and cut them out. I think this was part of one of the social skills lessons (I was with my student so not part of these lessons). 

    When they had a whole bunch of them ready it was time for the next phase of the kindness project (only I am calling it this, I don't think anyone else did. But it's a fitting name). The kids were split into groups, and the groups were given a stack of the little papers. Every group had an adult with a roll of tape. The assignment was to spread a bit of kindness around the school. 

     The kids went around and hung the little posters on walls, doors, and any other place where people might see them and get a little boost. I knew all this was happening, but I wasn't part of the process so I only got to see the aftermath. Which was a variety of mini posters around the school with nice phrases. I took photos of a bunch of them while I was out and about doing PT with my student. Some of them were in little surprising places, like right above the water fountain, and it was nice to run into them. 

     Middle school is a hard place to be. The kids are not little, but they are not grown. They think they are grown, but they are still really emotional but not yet equipped to deal with all the emotions, or the hormones. Sometimes their behavior gets away from them. At times they know exactly what they are doing and sometimes they seem genuinely baffled that what they did was seen as mean, rude, or inappropriate. Sometimes disciplinary action is necessary and sometimes you can turn things into a teachable moment about how our actions (and words) affect others and encourage people to spread a little bit of kindness instead. 
 

Starting Again

     In February, the roof leaked in my studio. I watched the water flow behind the walls while I tried to minimize the damage. And I laughed because it really does seem things can't just go smoothly for me. Ever. It also seems that something big always comes up that needs to be paid for around tax time. I'm a little tired of that. 

    My neighbor, Drew, was already booked to redo my bathroom ceiling, which definitely has water damage, which the flippers who I bought my house from likely just painted over. I have been trying to find someone to do that work for almost 3 years. People don't want to work on mobile homes. But Drew doesn't care, also lives in a mobile home, and does really excellent work. 

    When the roof leaked I texted Drew to see if he could help me with my emergency. The ice dams were way too serious for him to get rid of (without renting a blow torch) and that would have been very costly. His recommendation was to put down totes to catch any more water coming in, to minimize the damage (save the floor) and I was first in line for work in the Spring. 

      A few weeks ago I started to pack up some of the stuff in my studio. As we all know, stuff seems to breed. Somehow, in less than 3 years, I had a studio packed with stuff. And I had to move all of it out so Drew will be able to do the work in there. Next week is school vacation so it seemed like a good time to me. Drew said he would rearrange a few things to make that happen for me. He really is very cool. 

     This week has been weirdly hot for April. Mid-high 80s and very humid. I realized that roughly this time last year (school vacation. So I year ago next week) the kids and I were in Texas, and this is what the weather was like. There is no need for Texas weather in Massachusetts. 

    Today we had a half a day at school and I thought about coming home and doing a bit of doll work, since I would have some extra time, but then I realized I should probably take advantage of the dry yard (it's been raining a lot lately). I needed to move some more stuff into the workshop to store while my studio is being repaired. I am really hoping my stuff doesn't end up all full of spiders. 

      I was really struggling with how I was going to get my big hutch out of the studio, but my friend Alan was over one day and was happy to help. We actually moved it fairly easily for such a large, heavy piece of furniture. Everything else I was able to move by myself, though Alan offered to help me move other things if I wanted the help. I had to take my desk apart because it wouldn't fit through the door. I am also waiting until the very last minute to move the customs and resins. I want to store them for as short a time as possible. But the last things I will have to do are take those horses down, take the shelves down, and take that curtain down. I am not sure where the chair can go for now, maybe on the porch, who knows. But the room is basically empty and ready to be fixed. I am excited that it will be done correctly now. It was not done correctly originally and I moved into the room a bit at a time. Now I know what space I have and pretty much what space I need. I worked out how I want everything to go back into the studio once it's ready to be moved back into. I have things measured out so I know where I can add some wall shelves to maximize my space in there, without making things look cluttered. And since I asked Drew if he can replace the ancient trailer window, that doesn't open, with a functional window, I am planning things in a way that nothing ends up covering the window. Though it kind of might be fun to hang a shelf right across the window, for plants that love direct sunlight. I may have to consider that. 

     So my studio is currently officially out of commission, but I have several parts of several dolls prepped so I can work on them old-school. Which means either at my kitchen table or sitting on my couch working on a flipped over box top. But I have several outfits sewn, bodies prepped, faces painted, and I am ready to keep on working. I am hoping the work won't take a crazy long time, but it's just replacing my bathroom ceiling, replacing the walls in the studio and adding proper insulation in the ceiling, and taking out the 2 ancient AC units in my house that haven't worked since before I got here. I am even willing to help with stripping out the walls in the studio (I have done a bit of demo and own a wrecking bar that still hasn't gotten any use) and I am near-expert level at cutting insulation. If Drew is cool with that maybe it will save a little bit of money.  It doesn't SOUND to me like it will take a crazy long time to do the work, but who knows. I am just hoping that it's not going to cost a huge fortune. Fingers crossed on that one. 
 

Failure Immunity

      I read an article a couple of months ago about failure immunity, and how we are, for the most part, not teaching it to kids these days. I thought it was an interesting thing to write about so I put the subject in a blank post and left it. For months. It is hard to blog now. For so many reasons. One of the reasons being that I don't seem to have enough time in the day to do the things I need to do. Another reason is I have to take a strange path to get any photos into my blog. I take photos on my phone. I cannot connect my phone directly to my computer, and I have no idea why (I used to be able to). I used to be able to open a blog post on my phone and add in photos right there. Now my phone always tells me I don't have access (or something like that) when I clearly have been accessing Google the entire time. I used to have to open a post in Firefox instead of Chrome, and that would work. It doesn't work anymore. So now I have to email photos to myself. Which is a long path and usually I don't have enough time for that sort of thing. 

     I don't remember every detail about the article but I do remember it was about failing, and not crumbling after failing. We (societal we) have been shielding kids from failure that so many of them are afraid to try anything. This morning I looked at the subject line and decided it was time to write this post. And the photo of this doll fits in with this post perfectly. 

    March is the month for the Little Rider Doll Making Challenge on Facebook. I didn't participate for years because it seemed rude. If I am focused, and have time, I can make a doll in a day. Last year I joined the special saddle pad challenge, and this year I joined the special ranch saddle pad challenge. Even after 19 years of making dolls I still face challenges. I still face failure. Last year for the challenge I had a pad with colors I would never have chosen for myself. Orange and purple together, or really even just orange at all, is not something I would choose. But that is what I had and the first doll I made was a failure. The doll was nice, but it didn't really go with my saddle pad. Several people said it was great and a nice match but the tones of the colors were different enough that I found it jarring. So I started over. Because I HAVE failed in the past, many times, and I know it is not the end of things. My second doll was a much better match and I liked everything about it. Even though it still had orange. 

     This year we were 6 days into March before I remembered it was the challenge month. At that point I figured it would be a good idea to look for materials. Since I have a ridiculous amount of doll making stuff here I very rarely need to go out into the wider world to find anything for what I want to make. This time was no exception. The sage green I have isn't a perfect match to the saddle pad, and neither is the sand color of the chaps, but being a ranch saddle pad I care a bit less about that, and it is not a jarring amount. So I made the chaps and cut out the basic outfit and got into the doll. 

     And then I ripped a shoulder seem. 

     Even after 19 years of making dolls mistakes happen. It is entirely possible to make something from a pattern, hundreds of times, and all of a sudden one time it doesn't fit. One bit is just a bit too tight. And sometimes seems rip out and it is far easier to just start over instead of trying to repair. But I know this because I have made thousands of dolls. I have lost pieces I was working with (I actually did that again 2 days ago. I still can't find it) I have stained things, messed up painting, messed up rehairing, ripped seems, made things a bit too small, or one side tighter than the other (I did that one yesterday). Any of these things might be enough to completely derail a new person. Someone just starting out in a type of art will get to the ugly stage and they can't yet tell if they have failed completely or just need to push through. Dolls are in the ugly stage almost until they are complete. So when I ripped the sleeve out of the shirt of my challenge doll I posted about it in the LRDMC group. 

     So what does this have to do with failure immunity? Everything. The first step to succeeding in anything is to try. Some people are so crippled by the idea of failing that they are unwilling to try. When I was little, I was encouraged to try things. I was sewing when I was 5 (by hand. I was not allowed to use Mom's sewing machine until I was 7), I was also knitting then, not that I am an accomplished knitter. I was baking at that young age as well. Did everything come out perfectly? Absolutely not. But I was encouraged to try and if the thing I was trying failed I was told that it was a good try and to try again. I wasn't bailed out of it. I wasn't cushioned and protected from failing. I was guided to keep on trying. 

    I think the challenge months are a great place for new artists. I am unlikely to pick up a horse to paint other than in February during NaMoPaiMo (and not even then recently). Many people are unlikely to make a doll other than during March for the LRDMC. I likely would never have learned to dance if it wasn't for being surrounded by supportive people in classes, and having excellent teachers who asked over and over if anyone had any questions, if we got it, if we needed to try it again. I am also still learning Spanish (painfully slowly) because I have amazing friends (and my amazing Mom who I practice with daily!) who get excited when I say anything to them in Spanish. Even if it's not completely correct, they are so happy I am trying. 

    So there you go, after nearly 2 months without a post you get this bit of rambling musing about failure immunity. My last post was about the roof leaking into my studio. My studio is still a giant mess, still needs to be redone (along with my bathroom ceiling, which was already scheduled to be redone) but I still go into the studio and get work done. Slowly. I am very burnt out and it is a struggle to make dolls. It's a struggle to write a blog post. Sometimes it's a struggle to complete a sentence. But I hope for anyone who hasn't been encouraged to try something that is scary that maybe this will be a tiny push to try. You don't know what you are capable of until you try. And it's entirely likely the first time you try a thing you won't be amazing at it, or you might struggle quite a lot. But keep in mind, you have only really failed if you stop trying. 

It's Not Supposed to Rain Inside

     So today has been a day. I had a phone appointment for Travis this morning, so I took a half a day off from work. The appointment was super quick and I was feeling really good. I was almost done getting ready to go to work and I heard a pop and pouring water...

       ...From my studio. 

    

     I quickly started moving things away from the waterfall that was pouring inside, starting with the 3 dolls and the TV that were on the desk under the window. The upper level dressage doll I listed for sale yesterday was ruined (the dye from her vest leaked onto her white breeches. She will need repairs) but it didn't seem catastrophic. I grabbed my dye pot and moved as much stuff as I could so I could prop it up to try to catch most of the flow of water. Then I went outside to shovel through several feet of snow to try to get near enough to the window to get to the roof to try to get the snow off. We had a giant blizzard last week, so there is snow everywhere still. The temperatures have also been consistently extremely low. Apparently the roof over my studio didn't like it. 

     There were some pretty insane ice dams on the roof and there was no way I could deal with them. So I texted my neighbor that is going to be doing some repairs for me in the Spring, and I asked him if he could stop by and help me with an emergency roof leak. He was there within a half an hour. 

     Drew tried to get the ice off, but it was not budging. He did clear a lot of the snow away at least. At this point I had already witnessed water actively flowing down behind the back wall and I knew the studio would need to be gutted and redone. I also know that it wasn't done properly in the first place. The walls were never finished properly and I am not tall enough to have finished the ceiling properly. I do not have photos of what I did to somewhat finish the ceiling, but it was bare metal roof under a plastic headliner when I started. I took the plastic down, added foam board insulation (which was all I could do without any help) adding a new plastic liner and put up blankets to help some with insulation. That is how it's been for almost 3 years. But today, there is a waterfall inside the studio. 

      It took me probably 7 hours to deal with the studio today. I have a lot of stuff back in there, but not in a nice, usable way. I am trying to just minimize the damage at this point since I can't get it fixed until Spring. I don't love that it happened but I do like that now I can get it redone properly. And I can have Drew put in a window that opens. Which will also allow for an open window (crazy talk, I know) in nice weather and the use of my portable AC in the summer. Which I might not even need with properly done insulation in there. I am choosing to look at this as a blessing in disguise. I can get the studio redone at the same time that my bathroom ceiling gets redone. And after Drew checks and properly seals anything wonky with the roof. Mobile homes are weird. I have no idea what this is going to cost so I am going to start listing a whole lot of stuff for sale. I can't deal with anything else today so I might start that tomorrow. Or maybe I will repair the dressage doll tomorrow, I don't know. 

     I may or may not be able to use the studio until it gets fixed, I am not in a place to figure that out today. But I went 16 years or so with no studio space. I can do this. And I can do hard things. But boy would I love for something to be easy once in a while.