To Post or Not to Post

     My NOT Breyerfest sale is coming up in July. If you have been reading my blog for more than a day, you likely know this. It's not news. I have been really busy between doing my work for the school, homeschooling Travis and working on live sale prep, with a handful of orders thrown in. This is not news. 

     The fact that there are protests and riots all over the country is news. And while I have not spent a lot of time on Facebook, or watching the news, I don't live under a rock. I have seen a lot of outrage, and I am not at all surprised. Most people are outraged that in 2020 there is still such a racial divide in the country. Some people are outraged that people are speaking out. I am just living with the constant struggle. In general I don't post any of my opinions on anything political. It's not anyone's business. But whether or not Black Lives Matter is not political, it's humanitarian. All people are people, whether they are black, white or any other color. People are not all the same, and that is what makes our world such an interesting place. My struggle about whether or not to post is wanting to be supportive, but not knowing if I will say the wrong thing. It really is a constant struggle. 

      Related to that is wondering if I should move forward with a project I have been working on for about a year. I have been trying to diversify dolls in the model horse hobby. Not all people look the same. And not only white people ride horses. When KC's Galloping Gals put up a poll to see which type of riders they should produce next I really could not narrow it down to one type. I do love variety. I was hoping that their next doll would be African American, though the popular vote was for Native American. I was excited for that too. I just want a variety in the dolls I make. 

     Since I was not going to have a commercially produced African American rider any time soon (other than the Breyer dolls that have enormous heads and I can't stand working with the out of scale heads) I decided to talk to Roberto Williams, who was the artist I met when I was making Barbara Gordan heads for his Batman dioramas for Comic Con. Roberto has customized or created all of the figures he uses in his dioramas. He is incredibly talented and I had a feeling he could help me. I contacted him sometime last summer and asked if he could potentially sculpt me some African American heads. He said he could first see about modifying some existing heads (also a skill I don't posses) and if that didn't work he would do an original sculpt. At the time he was very busy, I was very busy, and it didn't happen right away. Life happens. 

     I have been searching for miniatures for my miniatures sale in August. I have also been looking for other miniatures for my own uses or projects. Recently while on Classic TV Toys I noticed that they had the Yvonne/Gracie/Quinn body in a dark skin tone. I was so excited! But they didn't have heads available and I was not going to paint a white face and pretend it was African American. So I didn't order the darker bodies right away. I know my limitations. I know I can't sculpt. 

      In the past week or so (I have seriously lost track of time in the past few months) there have been protests around the country. They were triggered by the murder of George Floyd. People are mad. People are outraged. And I get it. There is no reason a suspect, who is already in restraints, should be knelt on for an extended period of time. There is no reason that someone who is accused of passing fake currency should be so forcibly detained. Or really, someone accused of anything. Once they are in restraints, that should be it. 
      Recently I have explained white privilege to some people. It does not mean that your life has always been easy. It doesn't mean you have never been judged for the color of your skin. It doesn't mean that you have been handed things. What it means is while you may have struggled, possibly a lot, you likely are not always followed around in stores to make sure you are not stealing. You have probably not been stopped by the police because you "looked suspicious". While you may have been judged on the color of your skin and people may have made assumptions about you because of it, it is likely not a daily thing. Some people get really upset about #blacklivesmatter because we should all be equal and all lives should matter. Yes, they should, but currently they don't. As much as some people want to pretend we are so enlightened in 2020, we aren't. There is still a lot of inequality in the world. When a black person is murdered for a very small crime it seems we have not come very far at all. Yes, all lives matter, but right now black people need our help. They need to be the focus. They need the support of each other and the rest of the community. 
     I am terrified to publish this post because what if I said something wrong? What if what I actually feel doesn't come through in the words I typed? I have always, for the most part, kept my opinions to myself. I feel that my actions are important. Treating everyone equally should be enough, shouldn't it? Maybe some day it will, right now it doesn't seem to be that day. 
     So back to current events and me not (quite) living under a rock. I started thinking again about the lack of diversity in model horse rider dolls. And I thought again about the project with Roberto. I really wanted to contact him again about the African American head sculpt. But then I struggled. Was it the wrong time? Not only does he live in New York, which has been hit the hardest by COVID19, but would it seem like I was trying to profit from the current climate? Would it seem like I was jumping on the bandwagon? I was hoping that would not be the case. Roberto is a very reasonable, very sweet person. This is also not the first time I have brought up wanting an African American head. So I wrote to him and said I understand he has a lot going on at the moment. When he wrote back he admitted that the project had slipped his mind. The original idea was to modify an existing head, but then he had a brainstorm. One of the head sculpts he sent me last year for the Barbara Gordan project he chose not to use because she looked too ethnic. Roberto offered me this sculpt and I was thrilled! She will be perfect. Though the caster he uses is currently closed, as are a lot of businesses all over the country. Roberto told me he will send the original casts, which are in a caucasian skin tone, but he told me how I can recolor resin. I am very excited to have the casts and to learn a new technique!

     I do still struggle a bit with things. Should I not say anything about the dolls? Should I speak up more about the #blacklivesmatter movement? Should I just not post at all because maybe I didn't word something the way I meant it? If I don't say anything does that really make me part of the problem? I do still believe that our actions, every day, not just when people are looking, are the most important. I am not one of those people who claims to not see color. I do see color. I see the variety of color that people come in. From skin to eyes to hair. All of it is beautiful. I love variety. If we all looked and thought exactly the same way the world would be an incredibly boring place. 
     When the marriage equality act was passed I was excited. I was excited for the day that there would not be marriage and gay marriage, just marriage. Now I am looking forward to the day that we won't have black people and white people (I know there are more people than just that!) but just people. We don't all need to be the same or look the same to be treated the same. There shouldn't be a set of behaviors towards one group of people and a different set of behaviors towards another. 
     I still have no idea if my words are what I want them to be. I won't really ever know. Some people might be mad about them and I don't much care. I considered not writing this (and not posting this) because I don't want to be one of those white people that says "look at me! I am accepting of all people!". But I am, unless you are just an A-hole. Then I probably don't like you no matter what color you are. So if you feel I wrote this to get attention, that was never my intention. If you think I am trying to make African American dolls because it is a politically correct thing to do, it's not why I am doing it, though I can't stop anyone from thinking anything they want. It's also not a recent idea. I have a feeling I am still going to question whether or not I post this right up until I do it. 
      I have no clue how to end this so I will share some other doll related news. I did in fact make some saddlebag stuff to add to my live sale. People wanted it, I talked myself into it. And now I am finished. I have 3 more sets of saddlebags to finish, then I need to move onto chaps and I have 8 more dolls to reach my goal. I think I can make it.