Dolls

       I imagine there are times when people wonder if I even make dolls anymore. There are times even I wonder that. The last many months I have not been super productive with doll making. I currently have no idea how many dolls I have even made in 2022. ~~~ OK, I went into my phone and counted. I have made 25 dolls in 2022 so far. Seeing as my yearly average has been 100-150 dolls per year for many years, I am way behind. It really doesn't bother me at all. The 2 dolls above were the last dolls that I made for an order. They were finished weeks ago, I just have not gotten around to posting them. I have one other doll finished but I have not gotten around to getting tack on a horse (this doll NEEDS a tacked horse photo) to get the photos. Maybe today. Maybe tomorrow. Who knows. There is one inescapable fact, my doll making has been super slow this year. 

      I know that some of the problem was that I was teaching. Every teacher knows that being a first year teacher is a super busy year. You don't already have lessons that you can reuse from previous years. Making lessons takes up a lot of time. Teaching takes up a lot of mental energy. My particular students took a lot of emotional energy. I can't help but feel bad for the kids who have horrible trauma in their lives. I can't help but get a bit irritated/frustrated/mad at an entire class that can't seem to understand and follow the basic rules of high school (which are also the basic rules of middle school, elementary school, society...). this year was hard, mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. I didn't have a lot of room in my head for doll making. 

    

     I am also in a very weird place in the hobby. I have no interest at the moment. I have heard comments that suggest if I am not into model horses some people don't want to be my friend. Which really sucks since I would think that friends are friends even if some common interests change. I have friends I made at school that while we can and do talk about school stuff, I am positive they would still be my friends if I didn't work at LHS, or if I got out of education all together. The hobby is also often an angry place these days. There is the usual hobby drama, but there are so many things that go way beyond that. I'm tired. Tired of the side taking, the fighting, the anger. And before someone reads too much into this paragraph, no, I'm not suggesting I am "leaving the hobby". I am suggesting that I am sick and tired of the bullshit and the black and white thinking of some people. I am sick and tired of anger and entitlement. And these comments are not just about the model horse hobby. 

    Anyway, I do still make dolls, occasionally. I made a couple of them recently, made another that I may even publicly share soon if I can get around to putting tack on a horse and taking some photos. I have a drawer FULL of nekkid dolls and doll parts, just waiting to be put to use. Seriously, that is a drawer full of money, I can't just let it sit there. I am not even entirely sure how many dolls I have at the moment. But I have a large variety, most of them I have at least 5 of (and more like 20 of others), I need to dress them. I have not stopped making dolls. I just don't have any ideas. Maybe I should just make a hunt seat doll. Those don't actually take much thinking about. Part of the problem is I don't know what to make. And part of it is I am sort of taking this week off, a bit, because I am tired. 

    Maybe I will take the weekend to think about what type of dolls to make. Maybe someone will take pitty on me and send me some ideas. Maybe I should just go and check my message from Teresa, since she sends me plenty of ideas, and most of them are doable. ~~~ OK, that was a brilliant idea. I now have at least a few, very reasonable, very doable ideas that I need to get after. I might even be inspired enough to get started a bit today. But maybe not. I still need to put tack on a horse.

     I am still vaguely planning to have my next live sale somewhere around August 13th. I have not committed to that yet, don't have all of the miniatures made for that sort of fun, and currently am not 100% sure I even want to do it. I do enjoy live sales, partially because I really enjoy the interaction with people who are watching. At this moment I am not ready. Or motivated. I am ready for this tired to lift any time now.