Saturday, March 25, 2023

Fantastic Friday

     Sometimes I think people just want to hear about controversy, which I rarely write about. Definitely people want to see pictures of pretty models, which I sometimes post, but, since I make dolls, you don't get to see pretty models all that much. Some people seem to enjoy the snippets of my life, and rest assured, they are small snippets. Unless I talk to you, a lot, with verbal language, you probably don't know a whole lot about my life. We'll change that a little bit today. 
     I have mentioned lately that I have had a really rough winter this year. I have always gotten the winter blahs, but this year it was so much worse. Which is a little surprising, because it was such a mild winter. But my brain told me a lot of mean things, and I had a really hard time not believing them. I shared some of them with someone I thought was a really good friend (and might actually be), with the disclaimer that I know it is just my brain making things up to mess with me, and this friend took them as 100% true. There was a day this friend snapped at me harshly, an apology followed several days later, but the apology was followed up with a list of reasons why the snapping was basically my fault. Some of the reasons (things I did/said to cause bad feelings in this person) were things that I really had no idea about. But it makes me very wary to say anything to anyone now. What if what I say is taken badly? Even if it is not meant that way. What if I tell someone their hair is out of place, they have something on their face, or in their teeth and it is then taken as criticism? I have been feeling lower than low thinking that I might be hurting the people around me without even knowing it. And yes, consciously, I know that is unlikely to be true. But still, I wonder. And I want to just not talk to anyone. 
     But yesterday was a wonderful day. I had several good days this week, which, funny enough, all involved me being outside and not talking to anyone. But yesterday I had some great interactions with my friends at work, we had early release and I got home in time to see Ethan for a little bit, and then there was this. 
     I have not been hiking in a long time. The sun was not expected to come out but it did anyway. It was not too cold or too warm. And my running shoes are actually incredibly comfortable for hiking. Plus, the place where I went has mostly very well groomed trails, even the ones like this steep one, which is what I started with. Not only was I finally out in the woods again, but I got to go alone. (don't come at me about hiking alone. Two people knew where I was and the place is PACKED with other people). I am so rarely alone. Anywhere. It was very different. I met some dogs, there were people with them, but who cares, and I really enjoyed being out there. 
      This bit of trail was so flat and perfect I actually got to run a bit. I am definitely going to go back to this place, probably with Travis, and maybe we can both do some woods running. 

     In the evening I got into some coloring, which I almost never have time for. I couldn't find my prismacolor pencils (they were next to the bookshelf, not on it. Silly) so I used Crayola, which is definitely not as nice to work with. But I still had a good time. While I was coloring I was thinking about my friend, Brandi, who I hadn't seen since December. So I texted and we ended up getting together last minute for a few hours. We had an awesome time catching up. It's so weird not to be in the same school this year. Definitely an amazing day!
    This week was definitely more good than bad. The weather was more good than bad. My interactions (in the real world and through text) were more good than bad. I have been really good with my proper eating, so I am feeling less bad physically as well. It has definitely been a good week. I spent a few hours today (Saturday) cleaning, sorting, and purging again. I made a lot of progress in a lot of places. I still have a whole bunch of different hobby stuff to go through so I can pull out what I want to let go of and get it listed for sale. Some of it isn't even here, so I definitely will not be ready for a live sale for a bit. So maybe the end of April. We'll see. 


timaru star ii said...

Yay!! How pretty -- an Art Deco angel.
I am often alone, especially outdoors. Yes, it is good for running.
Congratulations for hanging on to the good stuff.

Anonymous said...

I feel that when I can get out on the trail my head and my heart clear instantly. Sounds like you need more sunshine treatment. 😊