Wednesday, August 19, 2020

I Am Bad At Free Time

       I am pretty bad at free time. It's not that I don't like doing fun things, I just often feel like there is something else I should be doing. Some chore or repair I have been neglecting, but especially doll work. Making model horse rider dolls has been my main source of income for 14 years. I am not good at "work hours". I will answer emails at night, on weekends, in the middle of a school day (when I am at school, as long as I am not actively helping a kid), basically any time I have time to write a response. And sometimes that turns into needing a lot of time to go back and forth. I do the same thing with shopping for supplies. Usually, I know just where to get the things and I can go right to the site/person and order and it is quick and done. It still takes some of my free time, but it's usually fast. Sometimes though I have to really search and that can take a lot of my time. I know this is bad, but I do it anyway. 

      I have been a lot better about things. Funny enough it was getting my second job (school job) that did it. Ethan pointed out that I only had so many hours in the day and something was going to have to give. I said well, I can't go to the gym while I'm at school, so there is that. Which freed up at least a couple of hours in a day. I also didn't have time to stare at the wall and/or nap anymore. So that was gone. I did also realize that I need to have SOME restrictions on myself. So now, I almost never work after supper. I can work right up until supper, even while I am cooking, but not after. If I am close to a live sale and trying to finish up prepping I will do some evening work, but for the past few years that has mostly been right out. It's not much, but it helps. 

     Our roof is finally closed up and I am thrilled to pieces. I don't have to be afraid when it rains. I don't have to semi-plan to work on the house for a portion of the day every day. We might come up with a bit of something that needs doing, there is a still a lot that needs to be done, but it is not the constant panic that we had. It sort of gives me more free time. Or time to make plans to do things instead of winging everything after we are done with house fixing for the day. The problem is, Massachusetts still has a ton of restrictions and I am sort of bad at being a friend sometimes. I LOVE seeing people, but I am bad at making plans. But I also love having plans. I am definitely a weird extroverted introvert. Some of the people I super want to hang out with, I can't. I can't drive out to visit with Crystal. Sure, we could have a nice socially distant visit in her backyard, but what if I need the bathroom? She lives kind of far. And it sucks. I miss her so much. 
       I have been trying to tell myself that it is OK not to be working on dolls (or miniatures) at the moment. I did a lot of work for an extended amount of time. It is OK to take a break. I want to get some photos taken for Jennifer Buxton's Pandemic Performance Panorama. It is such a cool idea! But I have not have time. Yesterday I did finally decide to make some time. I went over the class list again and made some notes on things I wanted to do. I managed to make a couple of really quick "props" (that will make sense when you see the photos, lol) and I got 2 pictures and then all of a sudden some rain came in. Because it was not supposed to rain at all. But I have 2 pictures. Which is a start. I think I might talk myself into doing some more photos for Jennifer's show. And maybe for other photo shows that have been popping up. 
     The good news is that even though I work too much, and I know it, I am also pretty good at taking every opportunity to hang out with Ethan and Travis. We get out in nature and hike or hang out near the water, or sometimes just in the yard. It's not as often as we should probably, but at least I am not saying no to time with my family. That's something I guess. 
      I do have some doll orders I need to think about getting to, but they really do not need to be done right now, so I need to try to cut myself some slack. I should take the rest of this week to work on stuff for me. Photo show pictures, reading, whatever I feel like doing. At the beginning of the week Travis and I went out and finished up his school shopping. I did some sorting of thing to give away, I shipped a lot of packages. I have definitely not been idle. I need to keep reminding myself that time for ME is OK. I go back to work at the end of next week. I should make sure to take as much time for myself now as I can. 

1 comment:

Lynn Isenbarger said...

"Me time" is MORE than okay - it positively affects your health. :)