Monday, February 1, 2021

Sometimes You Need to Get Lawyers Involved

       I posted last week about the repairs I needed to do on a youth doll. But there was more to the repair than just fixing the doll. There was also a bit of silliness that came with her. This was what the leg looked like when the doll came to me. Clearly, there was something wrong with her. (it's not that the photo is upside down).
      She also came with this note that "she" wrote. It says: Dear Anne, Sorry my mom broke me. Please don't call doll protective services. She is a good mom most of the time! -Kelsey
      When I got into the doll I found that her leg was completely snapped off at the knee! I did the repairs (I slacked off way too long before I did the repairs) and I felt that Kelsey's letter needed a proper response. So I got one written.
      This is an official letter from FLA (feline legal associates). It is on very official letterhead and when I sent the repaired doll home this letter was included (my sister Cathy wrote it). It says:

Dear Careless Human,

It has come to the attention of our office that a humanoid representative object
(henceforth referred to as “doll”) named Kelsey recently came to harm while in your
custody. In addition, said doll was forced to pen a letter disclaiming the
culpability of her human in the breakage of her leg. A shocking and transparent
attempt to evade responsibility and make light of such grievous harm!

As Feline Legal Associates is a proud partner with both DPS (Doll Protective
Services) and BIOPS (Beloved Inanimate Objects Protection League), it is our duty
to inform you that further “accidents” to any or all parts of the aforementioned
doll will be subject to the most stringent and unimaginably horrific legal
interventions. Should further harm come to her, prepare to be destroyed
straightaway in the most officially sanctioned manner possible.
Please enjoy a most pleasant week.

With contempt for all living things,

Phoebe St.Onge
Phoebe St.Onge
Managing Partner [dec.]
PS: cs
     This should serve as a warning to everyone that tries to cover their doll abuse with a forced letter. Sometimes lawyers need to get involved. And feline lawyers are likely the most ruthless. 

*legal disclaimer* the original note from the doll and the follow up legal letter are satirical and meant to be funny and to bring a laugh.


Lynn Isenbarger said...

Never mess with a cat!! LOL

timaru star ii said...

"Prepare to be destroyed" I laughed out loud.