I was so happy to be in lifeskills. The students are amazing and even though it was only one period of the day it was definitely always a bright spot. For a week. Until they took me out of there. Now I have to have 2 new classes, 3 weeks into the school year. We have already moved past all of the getting-to-know you things of the first days. Now I get to be tense and weird because I don't know the kids' names, and may never. I have to jump into another new situation which is not what I want. It stresses me out and really doesn't put me in a good place to be able to help. And I loved lifeskills. It was what I have been asking for. So it feels like being punished for doing a good job.
I was told this was happening because I can handle it. Because the kids need cheerleaders and consistency (then please stop switching my schedule!) but it still feels like a punishment. I am really upset over the whole thing. I have no idea what Monday will bring. I wish it was a full-time permanent switch to lifeskills. But I know I won't get that.
I became a para because it is something I thought I could do. After many years of raising my kids and learning about special needs I figured I was likely at least qualified in experience, even if I don't have degrees in anything. To me a para is someone that helps a kid learn. They are the people that have helped Travis in school the entire time. They explain when there is confusion, sometimes over and over, and break down big tasks to make it easier. Last year that was almost impossible because of remote learning. For 2 years before that I was a scribe. This year I thought I could finally get back to helping kids learn. And now I don't know if that will happen.
Writing this whole post made me sad. Really, all of yesterday I was sad. But the great photos of Travis make me happy. He is why I became a para. He is why I work hard every day to be a GOOD para. I don't want to be just a warm body or a random adult in the room. I want to actually help kids. Specifically I want to help high needs kids (I am good at it!) but likely I just get to help everyone except high needs kids. So now I am back to being "just" a sip/focus/LLD/inclusion para. And I am really mad about it.
Alex gets all the photo credit for the amazing Travis pictures. She took these the first week of school when she came over for pizza. That was a really excellent day. Yesterday was not.