Saddleseat

      Did you ever have a day when you were supposed to be doing something, and you were doing a lot of things, but none of the things were what you really SHOULD be doing? I'm having a week like that. Some of it might be because I never got my mini-vacation from doll making after my live sale. I pretty much always do that, but I wanted to get the ride along dolls (and a couple orders) finished, so I just kept working. I am also teaching, which is equal parts exhilarating, frustrating and brain eating. Anyone that says teaching is easy needs to give it a try for a bit. not a day or two, but a week or two, at least. It is hard. It is hard coming up with lesson plans, making sure you cover the material that needs to be covered while also trying to keep the kids interested. It is hard planning lessons that are not too long or too short. Or too hard. Or too easy. I work in special ed so I also have to be super flexible with coming up with repeat lessons (which are also not identical to the last lesson of the same material). I might not know that I need to repeat a lesson until it is just about time to do something new. Everyone needs repetition. Kids who struggle with recall needs LOTS of repetition. 

     Anyway, I managed to finish this saddle seat lady this week. She was almost done last week and then I just ran out of time, steam, and desire to work. So I stopped. I have a much healthier attitude about letting things go these days. I won't let them go forever, but I won't super stress about having only a doll head (and hat) left on a doll. She stayed like that for the weekend. And I was fine. 

     So back to teaching. I have a lot of rowdy classes. When the previous teacher was there there was a lot of yelling. Teacher friends tell me that they could hear her screaming at the kids all the way down the hall and on the next floor up. My hallway neighbor says it has been really quiet since I started. A couple days ago he popped in to say I am doing a really good job. I am trying. When I came in things were a bit wild. The classes were unruly and the kids were defiant or just unwilling to do anything. I am very stubborn and I don't like to see anyone fail. If you willfully won't do anything, there is nothing I can do about it. Sort of. What I can (and do) do, is check in constantly. I can stand there and give you a pep talk and say I want to see you do well. I can offer to help over and over until you either give in and let me help you, do your work just so I will leave you alone, or go to sleep. And it's working. I have a kid who didn't do anything in math when I was the para. Wouldn't let me help him, just said he was not going to do it. Now he does the work. Not always without prompting, but it's happening. We're getting there. I have another who was super disruptive AND wouldn't do any work. The last few days there has been so much work production and a much better attitude. Things are coming together. It's making me really happy. There are setbacks and bad days, but the little wins make it possible to keep on going. Though a lot of times teaching is like trying to dig yourself out of a hole while several people shovel the dirt back in.

     Even though I often am sort of avoiding doll work, dolls are coming together as well. I have pieces of several dolls in the works. When I am done avoiding dolls by writing this post I will get out the sewing machine. I will, I promise. I am getting there, the dolls are coming together.

     Back to school. I decided that other than modeling a calm and positive attitude (which is tough when everyone is talking over you and being very negative) I decided I wanted to change the atmosphere of the classroom. So I got some lamps from my friend Angelique. No more harsh overhead florescent lights. Now we have a much calmer variety of light. I need another lamp though, it's still a little dark in the back of the room. A teacher friend, who stopped buy to compliment the vibe of the room with the new lighting, suggested goodwill when I said I was hunting for another lamp. That's an excellent idea. I just kind of don't want to spend even more money on the classroom. I like that I am making a better learning environment for the kids. I don't want to go broke doing it. ~~~~OK, they have a floor lamp at Walmart for $9, I think we have a winner! I can talk myself into spending $9 more (this week...) on my class. 

      Anyway, I am not really avoiding doll work, my brain is just sort of mush by the time I get home. I need some downtime (yay, it's just about the weekend!) and I need to not think. But yesterday I ended up doing all sorts of things, instead of working on dolls. I organized books, I sorted holiday gifts, worked on updating my collection spreadsheet. I am so bad at keeping up with my collection spreadsheet! I have things on there that I have sold, don't have things that I recently got (recent as in, sometimes within the last 2 months), I had a whole shelf of minis that never even got put in the document. So much to do. No desire to do it. Anyway, I will work on dolls again. I actually have been this whole time. Just a little bit more slowly than I usually do. And I am being a bit more forgiving to myself when I "slack off".